Memories of an ex-desparacido

This weeks readings from a Lexicon of Terror were among the most disturbing and horrifying things I have ever read. Reading surviving desparacidos, or ex-desparacidos, testimonials about the time they spent in Argentinian concentration camps during the dirty war and the physical and psychological torture they endured was so incredibly upsetting that it is almost unimaginable that something like this could have occurred, and on such a large scale. The description of the forms of horrible torture imagined by sadists to "interrogate" the desparacidos was pretty close to unreadable. However for me what was most (unpleasantly) surprising was the idea that psychological torture was even MORE tormenting than physical torture. As Mario, the ex-desparacido in the second chapter describes, "physic torture was infinitely worse...Because it was constant" (76). I guess I had never really given it that much thought, but whenever I heard stories of concentration camp victims (such as Holocaust survivors) I immediately shuddered because of the pain  these poor people endured during sick, twisted torture sessions. I never realized that the psychological torture of waiting and wondering could actually be worse than mechanical, wound-producing torture itself. Mario describes how the torture of waiting for your next "interrogation session" or waiting to hear if your name was called to be "transferred" (which meant certain death) was infinitely more draining and painful than the physical pain of 220 volts running through your body.

In addition to this horrible death-waiting game desparacidos had no choice but to play, the interrogators and guards themselves contributed to the perverse psychological torture endured by the prisoners--apparently physical torture was just not enough.  One example I found particularly astonishing was the fact that the guards, in between their mechanical torture "interrogations," would come and play cards with the prisoners, in their cells, while they were still chained against the wall. How mind-numbingly cruel is it to play children's games with a person you just tortured within an inch of his life? Another example of this, as Mario states, was when the guards "allowed" the prisoners watch the World Cup final because Argentina was playing. This was particularly cruel because it was reminding the prisoners, and providing solid evidence, of the real world that was going on, business as usual, while these poor victims were held for no apparent reason and being mercilessly tortured everyday. Furthermore, by providing the desparacidos this glimpse of the outside world, they were offering a tiny shred of hope that they would escape the experience with their lives. Hope, as Mario underlined, was dangerous and could actually be the demise of a prisoner because with hope comes fear. Hopeless individuals, or prisoners like Mario who accepted the notion that they would not escape, seemed to fair better because this idea actually made them emotionally tougher and less easy to "break".

Another interesting revelation Mario alluded to was the idea that, in order to survive, one had to find a way to relate to the guards. Mario even states that he believes the reason he managed to survive five different concentration camps and make it out alive was because of his ability to understand and correctly interact with the guards. His first realization was that the guards were men themselves, and by envisaging them as monsters or beasts, this was actually doing yourself a disfavour. He also learned to understand the guards and to pick up on the little tests thrown his way. One such example was when one of the guards, after noticing Mario's girl companion was being "transferred" (i.e. murdered) he asked Mario if he was "alright" or going to be "ok" with his friend leaving, in a very paternalistic manner. Mario, intelligently realizing it was a test to see if his spirits were broken and he would therefore serve no more purpose for the guards, replied something along the lines of, "there are other fish in the sea". Had Mario admitted his true feelings about the girl being taken away, Mario very likely would have been on the next list of "transfers". Finally, Mario underlines the importance of learning the language of the interrogators, as the best protection against being arbitrarily murdered. He remarks that when he was first sent to the concentration camps, he could hardly understand what the guards were saying because they were using common, everyday terminology that has taken on new meanings in sinister setting of a camp. By learning the language of the guards and torturers, Mario says it had a way of uniting the prisoners with their torturers. He gives the example of going on a "field-trip" to a nearby cafe with other prisoners and guards. While sitting at a cafe, they are discussing the concentration camp and related details. At first Mario is aghast that they are talking about this in broad daylight, and wonder why no strangers are realizing that this odd assortment of people are actually desparacidos from a camp. He quickly realizes however that the language they are using is so limited and specific to the people who live within the walls of the camp that no one but someone who has been inside a camp for a lengthy duration of time would have any idea what they were saying. In this sense then, the idea that prisoners and tortures were speaking a 'new' and 'same' language, had the effect of uniting both groups. All of these tactics Mario learned to do, in order to relate and build quasi-relationships with the guards, managed to save his life. And he is not the only one. The author mentions that there are a number of examples of guards marrying the very people they were imprisoning--clearly other desparacidos learned how to survive in an environment so oppositely conducive to life.

While reading these chapters, I undoubtably was experiencing the same emotions as everyone else: shock, horror, revulsion, heart-break, and anger. Anger for me was one of the dominant emotions. I was angry that these abuses had happened, angry that torturers were complicit in carrying out the government's orders, and just generally angry about the unfairness of the entire ordeal. However, most infuriating for me was Mario's stories at the end of chapter two, in which he actually was forced to encounter his torturers AGAIN, even after he escaped the camps. The fact that those criminals were allowed to walk the streets after the murders they committed is inexcusable under every circumstance. I absolutely could not believe the gaul of Julian the Turk, who Mario ran into TWICE, after he was freed. The fact that the Turk tried to act like Mario's buddy and pretend that nothing unpleasant had ever happened between them was absolutely sickening and pitiful. He didn't even have the decency to at least given Mario the respect to apologize or walk away in the other direction when he saw him. Instead, by pretending to be an old friend, he tried to erase history through his fake friendliness and camaraderie. I was so appalled to learn that so many of the torturers and murders had been granted pardons under the new government that I did a little more research into the matter, to find out what happened to Julian the Turk. While researching, I came across an interview with the Turk and a journalist that the Turk had actually tortured at one of the concentration camps. Throughout almost the ENTIRE interview, Julian insists that he was not a torturer and that he had no idea what the journalist was talking about. It is not until the very end that Julian half admits to some of the atrocities he committed, but takes none of the blame for it and claims to have just been following orders. He even tries to play himself off as a "nice" interrogator who didn't go as hard on prisoners as he could have. The whole interview is sickening and yet very interesting to see an ex-"interrogator" forced to come to terms with (although he is apparently incapable of it) the crimes he committed and listen to the stories of someone he himself had tortured. I would give a standing ovation to the journalist for doing such a courageous interview if I could.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwzaJeYe2Nk <---- the interview, check it out if you have time, very interesting.